A Christmas fable from years gone by… : Mick Jackson

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It’s a month before Christmas and the world’s in a state,
There’s a shortage of elves and our gifts will be late,
“We can’t get the elves” shouted Santa with dread,
“They all work in plumbing and banking instead.”

Now in the warehouse the problems are mounting,
The backlog of orders are just beyond counting,
The solutions to clear it are not very funny,
With Agency Elves costing more and more money.

In Goods Out the shortage is really severe,
The root of the problem especially clear,
We must get the big sacks of gifts off the bay,
And up on the sleighs without further delay.

But just at the time that they wanted to sort it,
Health & Safety Elf said “I’ll have to report it,
You can’t pick those sacks up, I know it’s pathetic,
But you haven’t been trained yet in ‘Lifting Kinetic’.

In the yard, the reindeer are ready to go,
But there’s a change to the law that Santa won’t know,
The animals now are all waiting to flee,
But they haven’t got their Deer CPC.

“There’s nothing to add” said the great DSA,
“You can’t hitch those beasts up to that big old sleigh,
It may well be snowing or even just raining,
But they haven’t yet done their Periodic Training!”

The Management Elves are bemoaning their ills,
‘Cos they just don’t have the requisite skills,
Nobody helped them, to get themselves ready,
They just sat them down with that real old elf – Nelly.

Now up in Lapland it’s increasingly clear,
That we’re not short of elves it’s their skills that aren’t here,
They do like the hours but they’ve made it quite clear,
They don’t think logistics can make a career.

We’ll have to do something to put ourselves right,
Or we’ll upset the children on Christmas Eve night,
We must get the young elves to really construe,
That a career in logistics is for them to pursue.

“But it’s Christmas” said Santa, “let’s give them a treat,
We’ll train our elves properly and then we’ll be sweet,
I’ve given it some thought and I know what to do,
We’ll give them some training and the odd NVQ.”

“But we just can’t afford it” said the Financial Elf,
“To do so would seriously damage our wealth,
Our workers need training – those hardworking elves!
But just tell me why we should pay it ourselves.”

“I insist” said Santa “that we do it the fair way,
We’ll use The Professional Development Stairway,
We’ll set the example to all other nations,
With our elves all achieving good qualifications.”

So Santa invested and looked to their futures,
With trainers, assessors and relevant tutors,
The elves became skilled and full of expression,
Confident in feeling part of a profession.

And that is why, to this very day,
Santa and his elves can still find a way,
To defy completely the known Laws of Physics,
Happy Christmas to all from Skills for Logistics!

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